Iowa City News (Comedy)

A werewolf was arrested over the weekend after biting a Dillard's store employee on the hand, drawing blood. Evidently, the man had decided to steal a pair of shorts from the store in order to attract the attention of store personnel to distract one in order to bite him and spread the werewolf disease.

It is reported that the victim's silver wedding ring had prevented him from catching the disease, but he is currently under supervision.

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Disclaimer: This article contains neither facts nor satire, and if it presents an opinion we probably disagree with it.

The Iowa City City Council has been focused on saving money this year in light of poor economic times, and has found yet another way to save big. The council has decided they can save big by not giving their successors salary increases, a savings to the tune of nearly two thousand dollars.

"I'm glad they're looking at everything," said one citizen.

An Iowa City Police Office was hailed today as a hero for fighting to prevent natural selection by saving a man found lying in the middle of the road. The man, who was either drunk, high, or suicidal, was found lying in the middle of a road when the officer and paramedics attempted to assist him onto a cot to be moved to more comfortable grass next to the roadside.